Dad Reality: Feeding the Mama/Baby

After she gives birth, the mama will be tired, sore, and hungry. Your child will also be (less) tired, sore, and hungry.

Feed Me

You will also be tired, (less) sore, and hungry, but, as dad, that doesn't matter. You are the single somewhat-functioning member of your family, and will need to do pretty much everything around the house for the first several weeks. That includes: feeding the mama.

She will be using the food you feed her to manufacture the breast milk that will make up 100% of your child's nourishment. While breast milk may be the ideal food for baby, it is only truly ideal if the mama is munching the ideal food for her as well. Now, here's the secret: if you don't put poison in your mom's mouth, it won't end up in your baby's mouth either. End result: happy mama, happy baby.

Poison? Why would I feed the mama poison?

Because a lot of poison looks, feels, smells, and tastes, like real food...

We know arsenic is not good for mamas or babies. That one is easy.

Avoid foods in skull-shaped bottles.

Fortunately, they don't put bottles of sugar-flavored arsenic on the shelves at the grocery store in cute, animal-shaped bottles. But, because modern technology is so damn good at making cheap, synthetic food-like substances, it is easy to accidentally burden your mama and baby with something not-quite-poisonous, but something their bodies were not built to digest.

Note: Some say we were created to digest natural foods. Some say we evolved to digest natural foods. For the purposes of your family's health, it doesn't matter which one of these you choose to believe.

Q: So, how do we know what is safe for mama and baby?
A: If folks could have been eating it 1000 years ago, it's probably okay.

Q: How do I know if folks were eating it 1000 years ago?
A: If it doesn't look like this...

A: (cont.) or this...

Now, I'm not saying energy bars, mass-produced candy, and fast food are no longer food options. I'm saying these things never were food, and should never have been considered for human consumption in the first place.

Nicotine, like high fructose corn syrup, is a lovely and enjoyable thing. Some say both are safer in moderation, which is probably true. Allowing your newborn one smoke a week is better than a pack a day.

No stunt children were hurt in the taking of this picture (that I know of).

But, why not start them at zero, and do the same for high fructose corn syrup? They will have plenty of time to choose whether or not to destroy their health when they're older. If you're lucky, they'll choose cigarettes.

Dad's Nutrition Reality
After daily pop tart sugar rushes and years of eating foods sub-optimal for an expecting baby mama, a more wholesome diet was in order. Please understand. I have never been a health freak. I scoffed at the phrase "don't panic, it's organic!" No one was more skeptical than me regarding the merits of over-priced organic foods. Hydroponic vegetables, naturopathic medicine, and herbal supplements seemed like quackery to me–a total sham and a racket. But, her mysterious problem conceiving had no clear answers in the mainstream medical community. It turns out that while doctors can transplant hearts and regrow fingers, they still don't really know what causes miscarriage. So, after some (a LOT) of reading, she put down the pop tarts, picked up a few bottles of cod liver oil, and started eating primarily organic, raw, natural foods.

I can't argue with the results. After 2 years of natural supplements, lots of protein, and high-fat natural foods, she had:

Restored receding gums
Whitened and strengthened teeth
Gained energy
Improved digestion
Restored fertility

After observing this transformation, and a healthy baby, this dad is absolutely convinced of a few things many would consider crazy radical. Basically, that refined sugars, artificial flavors, and virtually all chemical additives and preservatives are destructive to human health. Anything "low fat," "low calorie," or "hydrogenated" is a poison to mama and child. Here's the low down as far as I understand it: A diet of commercial "reduced fat" foods, or other processed pseudo-foods, over time, starves the body of fat soluble nutrients. The body deteriorates, eventually suffering from unpleasantries such as diabetes, obesity, heart disease, cancer, arthritis, decreased fertility, depression, and all the other chronic diseases your friendly neighborhood multi-national pharmaceutical company has a pill for.

The solution? If you want a happy and healthy child and mama, eat like the French. Lots of fat, lots of protein. Eggs, butter, beef, fish, greens, dairy, and organ meats like liver; all organic. Just like your baby will be eating what mama eats, she will be eating whatever the cow on her plate ate. Buy grass fed beef and free range chicken. Buy wild fish, not farm-raised.

Q: But organic grass-fed beef is expensive! Can I afford it?
A: Yes, you can. It's much cheaper than decades of medical bills and treatment costs for McObesity, McADHD, McAsthma, McAutism, and all the other debilitating diseases that cropped up in the modern industrial age.